MOURNING MY OLD SELF: GROWING UP AND EMBRACING CHANGE

Okay, I’m sorry this title is unnecessarily dramatic.

I know we are not the people we once were years ago. It is human nature to change.

I struggle with coming to terms that I was not who I was once. I look back at my old photographs and hardly recognize myself. Life was so free and careless. I remember just looking forward to the weekend. I centered my identity around my social life. I tapped into the extroverted side of myself far more and used that as a means to add energy to my life.

I loved going out while I was in college. Near my senior year, I noticed one of my first shifts into more “mindset” based interests. I did start an Instagram where I posted workouts, but that only made me fixate on my body. I would work out early in the morning. I ate healthy foods and fasted at times. It did not feel as fluid as I would have hoped. But this was the first instance where I found myself doing something different than what my friends were doing.

I felt that I had one foot in the door with college, “going out all the time” life, and the “I want to expand” life.

I am now 26. A lot has changed since I was 22. I do not have the same control over things I used to. For example, I can’t run anymore without my sciatica going nuts. I get tension headaches a lot. I am completely zapped with energy after my work days. I can’t drink on the medications I’m currently on. The list goes on and on. Part of this is due to my autoimmune disease, but also aging plays a big role. Our bodies aren’t what they used to be!

Change can be sad. I do miss a lot of what I was able to do. The things I didn’t have to think about before doing, like watching what I eat or making sure I’m not overworking myself.

There is so much to be grateful for where I am now. And this is where I’ve come to embrace this change.

I find myself exploring new interests and becoming excited about creating different types of friendships. There is eagerness to cultivate a new life that does not revolve around going out. I have developed deeper relationships with others, including myself. I find I have more time to put into caring for myself.

I encourage you to embrace change.

Find the things you are grateful for now instead of what you no longer have. Looking back, I have experienced this in every stage of life. Wanting to go back to high school while I was in college during finals season. Wanting to go back to undergrad when I was in graduate school during clinical rotations. Keep your head up and believe that it only gets better from here. There are so many opportunities that we do not know exist.