I DRANK ALCOHOL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS AND HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED

I drank alcohol for the first time in months and here's what happened

The past 24-48 hours, I have felt so drained emotionally and physically. I am using this feeling as a muse, essentially. 

I stopped drinking?

I know little me would be so taken aback by this. Alcohol was the highlight of my college life sometimes. We used to brag about going out every night in a week or counting the absurd amount of drinks we consumed on a bar crawl. 

I could not be farther from the person I used to be in college. She served her time, and I send her so much love to find her way. 

I stopped drinking alcohol not long ago when I saw how it exacerbated my autoimmune disease and mental health issues. During this time, I noticed just how beautiful my life grew from cutting out alcohol. I am in a happy, committed relationship. My relationships with my friends and family have been much stronger. I have so much creativity flowing into my mind at all times. My job brings me so much joy. My mornings are bright, and my anxiety has almost been nonexistent. 

I would go out and think about how I don’t miss alcohol. Sometimes, I thought about the things I could be doing instead of being at a bar where I couldn’t even hear my friends.

The Frozen Margarita

I always joked about how I would give in for a frozen margarita or a mimosa of some sort. Those are just a sweet treat to me. Of course, they still contain alcohol. 

This past weekend was homecoming weekend at my university. We went to our old Mexican restaurant, that served to-die-for margaritas. This was our weekly stop during graduate school. I sipped one down with no complaints then and there. Another mimosa flowed for the tailgate. And then that’s where things started. 

What I feel when I drink

At the tailgate, I started feeling dizzy. I felt a little unsteady, but we were still able to make our way to the first bar.

This is where things tanked from there. I felt my circulation nose dive. I had to put my gloves on inside the bar. The unsteadiness continued, and the blaring music did not help my oncoming headache. 

Everyone was talking and dancing, and I honestly felt like I was just trying to make it out alive. I went to the bathroom for a short period to pull myself together- take a few deep breaths where it was somewhat quiet. I felt like I was in fight or flight, and my body and heart rate were reflecting that. 

One of my friends, who has dysautonomia as well, and I sat down and bombarded the bartender for water. I had an electrolyte packet and started feeling better. We ate after, and my symptoms improved drastically (I still brought nuts to snack on lol). 

The aftermath of drinking

Recall your first Sunday Scaries. That first post-night-out anxiety feeling. Now multiply that times ten. 

Physical Symptoms

My fatigue could not be worse right now. It was two days after, and I struggled to keep my eyes awake during my sessions. 

My whole body hurts. My joints ache, and my neck brace has been my savior to keep me from a nasty cervicogenic headache. 

My GI system is all out of sorts. I feel like I have been on the verge of dehydration, and my body is doing everything in its power to catch up, regardless of all the electrolytes I consume. My psoriasis and eczema have been slightly worse, despite being under control for months. 

I tried going to the gym, and it feels like the only thing I could do is walk for 30 minutes max. 

Mental Symptoms

Where I feel the most struggle is my mental health. 

The past 24 hours I have had crying spells and anxiety through the roof. I find it difficult to control my emotions and step out of my egocentric thinking. Like… the world does not revolve around me. 

I pride myself on having a creative mindset. Today, I stood at my journal not knowing what to write. Any post felt too fogged and unclear to continue writing. It is a rarity to have a writing block like this. 

I logged on for work, and my sessions with my students are usually so fun and invigorating for me. Today, I felt like I was just trying to make the time pass. I was not fully present. 

My relationship with alcohol continued

I did not miss it before, and I certainly DO NOT miss it now. Seeing my life from such a clear, colorful, and creative view compared to how I am feeling now, only confirms that this is a substance that I want to stay away from. 

It may take some navigating and finding new activities to do with friends, but I believe that my life will only improve without alcohol. 

Today, I took my time to journal out these thoughts. I allowed myself to feel all the blurry, not-so-pretty feelings that came up. These are the moments where you need to give yourself grace. 

I encourage you to look at your relationship with alcohol. The more I talk about alcohol, the more people I find out are experiencing the same feelings as I am. You are not alone.