Finding your purpose: I’m pivoting
I’m pivoting.
I experienced a very difficult week. I felt burned out. I was running on steam. I had task paralysis and felt my body physically shake when I heard an email ping. I could not show up as the content creator or even the type of person that I wanted to be. I walked into my doctor’s office in a bad mood and thought “This isn’t me.” I believed I was in fight or flight and creeping closer to burnout. This is my sign that something has to change.
Symptoms of Lack of Purpose
I believe this “funk” I was settling into was due to a lack of purpose. I felt cloudy. I did not know where to turn. It was easier for me to turn on the TV or take a nap (not saying those are not necessary at times) than it was for me to write. That is typically not the case. I see things as a chore that I did not typically view as before. This is telling me that I need a shift.
Symptoms:
Lack of Direction: Feeling unsure or aimless about your goals and aspirations. It’s as if you lack a sense of where you're headed in your life.
The feeling of Emptiness: This emptiness or dissatisfaction despite outward success or material possessions.
Procrastination and Lack of Motivation: This is where I was: difficulty in starting or completing tasks, procrastination, or a general lack of motivation.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Individuals may struggle with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. You may not see the value or significance of your actions.
Seeking External Validation: You may constantly seek validation or approval from others. It can be a sign of insecurity and a lack of inner purpose or fulfillment.
Depression and anxiety: Mental health manifestations can show up, such as feeling low or feeling on edge.
Frequent Boredom: Feeling bored or disinterested in activities, hobbies, or social interactions may arise.
Addictive Behaviors: Engaging in addictive behaviors such as substance abuse, overeating, or excessive gaming can be a way to cope with feelings of emptiness and lack of purpose.
Existential Crisis: I am no stranger to this. An existential crisis includes intense periods of questioning one's identity, values, and beliefs about the meaning of life.
How to Find Your Purpose: Look Within
I think of how funny it was that I spent most of my life ignoring how I truly felt. What brought me joy? What was I genuinely good at? I’m going to break down some of the questions that helped me get through this time.
What thoughts and feelings come up during my day?
According to research, the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts per day. Are you conscious of what yours are? The things we tell ourselves and how we view our lives can shift how we show up. Thoughts create feelings (e.g., physical sensations of the body). For example, if I think I’m unprepared and unmotivated, but this shows up as tiredness and tension upon logging in for my sessions. A shift occurred as I found joy in working with students and talking to parents. Along with this, I found that I had more positive thoughts like “Wow, this kid is really happy to be here” and “I am having fun in this session.” This reaffirms positivity in this experience.
Where are you happy? What brings you joy?
The end of the previous questions is the perfect leeway. Take note of what makes you happy. Is it working with kids? Is it reading books? Is it writing? Is it doing math and finding the answer to a complex question? Where in your day makes you the happiest? And if you don’t have an answer, what as a kid made you the happiest? What connections, hobbies, classes, and thoughts (for example, your mindset as an athlete or working hard in class)? Use that to help you pivot toward something that serves YOU best. What brings you joy will help add more value to your life. It can help you help you ALIGN to your purpose. You can find a greater sense of your purpose in the job you currently have, such as realigning you to why you started in the first place and thinking of the sense of community. This may also lead you to think of a new endeavor to pursue.
What are you good at?
I find that what I’m good at also brings me joy. It is human nature to be happy with seeing a positive outcome based on your performance. Are you good at listening to others? Are you good at math? For me, I’m good at being an educator. I love helping kids see the beauty in learning and opportunities for growth. When we water what we are good at, we grow our self-esteem and find opportunities to further our skills. It is such as giving our contribution to the world by excelling in a way that we are best at.
What do you love learning about?
This last one ties the three previous questions together. Think of the topics you gravitate towards reading about or the conversations you’re eager to have. You are most knowledgeable in that area. You have substantial information to add to the table. And when you are eager to know more about something and actually apply it, you’ll be more likely to do your best and stay up to date. You don’t mind continually absorbing new information or various perspectives on the topic.
If you were to get a million dollars to spend on self-improvement coursework only, where would you put it? Bucket A includes coursework you know nothing about and want to learn. Bucket B includes coursework you are bad at but want to get better. Bucket C includes coursework on things you are good at and want to master. Would you put it all in one bucket? Would you diversify and split it across the three? Super successful individuals placed it all into Bucket C so they could be renowned in their area. I believe the four questions asked above allow the uber-successful to carve the path that is best meant for them. Sometimes, this requires trial and error, but it is to help you align best with the opportunities that are out there.
Caveats:
It's important to remember that an existential crisis is a normal part of being human, and it does not mean there's something wrong with you. It's a sign that you're searching for deeper meaning and purpose in your life. Talking to loved ones, seeking support from a therapist, or even just taking some time to reflect can help navigate through it.
I recognize that there are instances that are difficult to change. For example, a difficult period in your life, a loved one getting sick, yourself getting sick, or staying in a job you don’t want. I want you to know that I am sending so much love your way. I have been in similar situations where I felt so stuck.
I have asked myself questions similar to my previous ones. This is what has brought me to content creation in the first place. This is what led me to become a speech therapist! I am so
What I am trying to paint out for you is everything I have gone through has led me to the person I am today. I look back and THANK past me for making it through those difficult times and making light of them now. I wouldn’t be who I am today! And whenever I go through lulls like this, I know my future self is cheering me on. I know that they have the answers. I know that they are grateful I went through the experiences I did as that will create the person I will become. That being said, it still does not erase what I have been through. I try my best not to let it defeat me or define the past.
My Life as an Example: Content Creation Changes
During this lull, I knew I had to look within. I meditated. I journaled. I took inventory of my thoughts and my days.
I knew I was about to be logged on for 12 hours back to back. My brain felt fried. I logged on waiting for the day to end, and I had a student log on with a big smile on her face. I pulled up a horse video to make her smile since I knew she loved them. My next student was a high schooler, which can be hard to build motivation at times. I made a game that integrated military concepts into his targets. He told me “That was really fun” after. I had a mom ask if her son transferred, and if would I be able to follow them because of how well I worked with him.
I’m good at being an educator. And it was in these instances where I felt most aligned. Working with parents, students, people. Helping people see the beauty in education, and fully understand their targets.
I changed my blog name to nataliemarieslp.com.
I hope to focus on education, self-development, and support for families. Although I do experience symptoms from my unknown chronic condition, it is not something I want to focus on. I want to focus on rehabilitation and bringing up others in the greater scheme of things. I find education is healing. Mindset shifts are healing. There are so many overlaps and as autoimmune conditions increase, I will still be noting some autoimmune/chronic health points, but it will not be my main focus. I have had great support, and I hope those who have followed me will understand.
I changed my podcast name to “Developmental Digest.” I looked to Chat GPT, and he best described this:
I adored the name of “Save Your Spoon.” It was my first endeavor! I spent so much time on the name. My best friends literally gave me a shirt that said “Save Your Spoon!” (This name will show up again, in a slightly different way. It will be coming late this year or early next. ) Again, I have been so grateful for the love and support I have received starting this journey. I hope to continue this path along with you!
Please email me with any topics you would want to hear more about! Your opinions are so important to me.
