Can’t be vulnerable?
How do you view being vulnerable? Some key aspects include being open about your thoughts and feelings, authenticity towards your true emotions and concerns, trusting that others create a safe space, and building deeper connections through shared experiences and emotions.
What is the beauty of expressing emotions?
Becoming vulnerable or “big” is considered a courageous and important step in personal growth. It fosters empathy and understanding. In my opinion, it has helped me become a better clinician, friend, and partner.
Vulnerability has been one of my greatest challenges. It is really hard to wrap my finger around. I spent years rewriting thought patterns about my obsession with being perfect and looking like a gold star. What baggage are you carrying around?
Rewriting the past
Self-awareness and acceptance are mediators when conquering vulnerability. This begins with recognizing areas where you may be holding back or avoiding vulnerability. These could have been implicitly or explicitly taught.
Think back to when you were growing up. What beliefs about feelings were explicitly taught to you or modeled? Were you told to hide your feelings? That men couldn’t express them? Were you told that it is okay to let it out in private, but never let someone see you cry?
The subconscious thought pattern stays with us throughout our lives and can make it difficult to openly express ourselves. We may be closed off and confused as to why.
Some examples:
Emotions just happen for no reason.
Emotions do not need to be talked about.
There is a right way to feel in every situation.
Telling others that I am feeling bad is a sign of weakness.
Negative feelings are bad and destructive.
I can’t control the way I feel.
If I feel too good, something bad will happen.
Digger Deeper
How has your life been affected by the messages you received about emotions growing up? What stressors do you face at work and what are your usual coping strategies?How might life be different if you modified or changed some of your strategies?
Write a list of your feelings you’ve learned about emotions. (Full worksheet to come). And then write out your new thoughts that align with your authentic self. Write affirmations (ex. It is safe for me to feel my emotions)!
Applying this to your life
I started rewriting these thought patterns. For example, if “emotions do not need to be talked about.” I forgave myself for believing this pattern and then changed it to “I communicate my emotions in a way that is aligned with my authentic self.” Start small with “low-risk” interactions. Being able to do this in a place with safe individuals, like family members, friends, or a therapist, can help encourage openness and understanding.
Write down how interactions felt. If it was positive or negative or made you want to dwell more on it. Write down how you focused on what you could do in the situation as that is the only part you control. Write down how beautiful it was to honor your authentic self.
As you approach feeling safer when expressing emotions that resonate with your true self, you may start to think of risks you can take. This could involve coworkers or even posting more on social media or speaking your mind to strangers.
