COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING AN INTROVERT

Me? An introvert?

This may be a shocker for those who know me or who are close to me, but I definitely lean more introverted than extroverted. I may be what some call an “outgoing introvert.”

Growing up, I remember picturing myself making friends easily but needing so much time to recuperate. I adored walks home in middle school that I would take on my own or drive home alone from school. That was peace. That was my time of happiness.

During high school, I questioned if I spent too much time alone. I constantly wondered if this was normal, especially when comparing myself to other students in my class. It was not that I did not have friends. I had a lot of friends! But I loved being home in bed just soaking up all of my feelings, and my favorite books and movies.

In college, I felt so out of touch with who I was. I was constantly around people. Going out, gossiping, drinking. And this is not to say those things are necessarily awful, but it was just a different time and a different me. Near the end of my senior year, I would sit alone in my room trying to find my “peace” and then feel the pressure of going outside to hang out with everyone. Although I would not trade this time, I don’t think I would have lived the same way looking back now.

Being in an extroverted world:

One cannot deny that we live in an extroverted world. Commercials are tailored to social gatherings. We see desired characters in media portrayed as popular and gregarious. Even going on social media, the people with so many followers are the ones who are drinking and going out every week living larger than life. In the workplace, successful individuals are the ones who are social and charismatic. Some of these characteristics can bleed into aspects of introversion (e.g., being at peace with yourself, traveling but feeling on your own and free). This does not take away the fact that extroverts thrive in this society. (There is a book written about this “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.”)

I see a lot of statements revolving around learning to be by yourself. I appreciate knowing that the world is shifting to accept this point of view more readily. It is also worth noting that a lot of people thrive in an environment where they are constantly with others and benefit from this.

This is easier for some people than others. There’s the stigma of “looking weird” and “having no friends.” There’s the idea that you “should be doing something with people.”

I feel a great societal pressure to always be out and always be doing something. I always questioned those people who love traveling all the time and going out all the time. What I mean to say is I am not judging, rather, I don’t understand how people have the bandwidth to do things like that constantly. Especially being that my favorite thing to do is lay out in the sun alone for hours or sit with a coffee and a really good book.

Focus on what matters to you most and rewire your brain with your values.

I have read multiple books that involve rewriting patterns, including the thoughts of being alone. It is a lot to be able to sit back and be comfortable being on your own or that your friends will not still be there if you choose

It also looks at how you assess what matters most to you. I’ve been diving a little deeper into what really energizes and adds positivity to my life. Recently, I can tell when my social battery drains and I’m just sitting not having fun. I literally caught myself wishing I was in bed reading a book or working on this blog.

I rarely check other people’s stories or posts. If I get an urge to, I literally throw my phone far away from me. Sometimes I will hear sayings that my friends have said to try and get me out like “Life is so short” and “It’s for the plot.” They mean well, but sometimes little things like that do more damage than good. I have even prefaced with my roommates and friends that I get burnt out easily and need my time to myself so they do not get offended when I don’t join them.

I’m still in the thick of it and learning to grow and do things I enjoy on my own. I am more picky with my time (especially considering some things literally make me physically ill now). I’ve also taken more account of my social battery to see what makes me happy and feel comfortable leaving before others.

Something that I want you to take away from this is that people have varying degrees of extroversion and introversion. Just because someone would rather sit at home does not mean their lives matter less. The same goes for the people who are bopping around parties and always flying. Life is too precious to compare, enjoy what means the most to you.